


meet me in the afterglow

by akosmia



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Spoilers, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:29:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21905245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akosmia/pseuds/akosmia
Summary: spoilers for the rise of skywalker!!!"You're just…" she breathes out, her voice so soft, so full of reverence. Her thumb brushes against his dimple again, stroking it. "You're so full oflight".You're beautiful, she's trying to say.-- or: in the aftermath of the fight, they find each other again despite time, war and death.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 45
Kudos: 514
Collections: TROS Reylo Fix-it Fics





	meet me in the afterglow

**Author's Note:**

> **spoilers for the rise of skywalker!!!!**
> 
> listen i recognize the council has made a decision, but given that it’s a stupid-ass decision, i've elected to ignore it! since nobody writing that awful movie seemed to actually care about these characters they're mine now and i can make canon my bitch! so yeah this is a fix it from a certain point of view, but if you deny the existence of the canon, then it can be your new canon!  
> also it doesn't get mentioned in this fic but it's important to me that you know that in this canon rey's parentage reveal doesn't exist because it's bullshit and i have a permit to do what I want!  
> love you all, reylos, and take care of yourselves ❤️

It feels surprisingly easy and peaceful to let his life force flow out of him like this - eyes closed, a hand on her chest, the other cradling her face, her body pressed close against his because he can't let go of her, even if it doesn't work, even if he isn't enough, even if it was all for nothing. 

He can sense it - he can feel it enveloping around Rey's own soul, wrapping tightly around the bond that surrounds both of them, an echo he feels deep within himself. 

It's - _luminous_. Bright. Brighter than any star he's ever seen, more blinding than a supernova, an explosion of light dancing behind his eyelids, between his fingers, into his heart. He wonders if this planet born out of darkness has ever witnessed something so vibrant and radiant, a flare in the Force that seems to light up the whole sky. It feels like an unbearable brightness is enveloping him too, golden like daylight, and it takes him a beat to realize the light is coming from _him._

It takes his breath away for a moment - light has always been something he has tried to grasp, only to find it fade away from his tenuous grip everytime he desperately clung to it. He's spent his whole life chasing the light down only to end up surrounded by darkness, by voices that told him to surrender, to let the light go, to let the light _die_ \- and instead, the light is there, inside him, shining brighter than any shadow, chasing away the darkness, making him whole again. 

It feels new, not being torn apart.

And then, as his light flows to her and he's out of breath for a terrible minute, Rey gasps for air. 

The moment her hand grasps his and she lets out a surprised, trembling breath is the most defining moment of his life. Nothing will ever matter as much - nothing will ever compare to the feeling of Rey moving into his arms to better look at him, a startled expression on her face, her eyes never leaving his, her cheeks flushed and her chest rising and falling again. He feels his heart start thundering against his ribcage so fast it hurts and he can feel the echo of her heartbeat in the bond between them, a sound that he wants to memorize because she's _here_ , she's _alive_ , she's breathing and she's looking at him with a smile that puts every star to shame.

It takes them a moment to realize the reality of it. 

He can't seem able to let her go, but she doesn't seem to mind either - she leans into his touch when his hand lingers at her neck, his fingers stroking the soft skin there. It's the first time they've truly been so close and the physicality of it comes as a surprise - the warmth of her skin as life flows back into her, the softness of her body into his arms, the way the strands of hair that have escaped her buns brush against his fingers, there where they are resting at the base of her neck. He takes his time to explore all of it, all the little things he's so endeared by, just to assure himself she's really here. 

"Ben," she says, reverently. Her voice is barely a whisper, but it feels like a shout anyway, by the way it echoes in their bond. The way she says his name - his real name, not the one he has used as a mask for years and years - is almost sacred and he can hear, in their shared mind, what she's not saying. 

_You're here. You're here._ _You're here_. 

He doesn't hesitate. _I'm here_. 

Her grin gets bigger somehow and - he knows the muscles of his face are _moving,_ and he's somehow gifting her a trembling, hesitant smile. It's small and almost fearful, as if he was afraid Rey could turn away from him somehow, but it's still a smile. His first one in more than a decade, probably. 

He can sense the marvel in her soul - he can sense everything, as if they echoed off each other in an infinite loop and he doesn't know who's feeling what anymore. He can sense his life force flowing in her blood, and at the same time he can feel her life force in his - perfectly balanced, forever bonded. There's a feeling so big in the space between them it encompasses both of them, and he's almost terrified of it.

Her hand comes to rest, hesitantly, on his face, her thumb gently stroking his cheekbone with the utmost care, as if she could break him somehow. _Don't be afraid, I feel it too_. 

And then, she surges forward and kisses him. 

It's life-changing. She's desperate but it's all so gentle and delicate and _pure_ , and she kisses him as if she wanted to pour into the kiss all the pain and longing and heartbreak he has put her through, but also all the gratitude and happiness and pure, genuine love of this moment and Ben can feel himself shake, trembling in her embrace as she sinks her hand into his hair, because he's never been loved like this, like the whole universe makes sense just because he's in it. He wraps his arms around her immediately despite the pain in his body, gathering her against his chest and he's so desperate to let her _know_ \- to let her understand, to let her _see_ him - that he doesn't hold back anymore and lets all the feelings he has been living with for a year flow freely in the bond. The love, the tenderness, the belonging he can feel take root in his heart every time he looks at her - they all sing all around them, their tendrils gently wrapping around their merged souls. 

When they pull apart, she looks at him as if she couldn't really believe this is happening, her fingers lingering on his lips as if to make sure she really kissed him, and he - 

\- he _grins._ It's toothy and crooked and boyish, and he can't remember the last time he smiled like that - maybe when he was a kid and used to play with the controls of his father's ship, or maybe never. It feels so new and raw, almost as if the muscles of his face had to learn it for the first time all over again, but he welcomes the sense of vulnerability that comes with it. 

Her expression is equal part awe and disbelief and her thumb lingers over the dimples on his check, tracing it as if she wanted to memorize it. He catches the echo of her thought as it settles in her mind - she never knew he had dimples in the first place. 

The thought almost seems to undo her. 

He's still smiling, when he finally talks. "What is it?" he asks her, when she can't seem to be able to stop staring at him. 

She shakes her head and the smile is back on her face, just as radiant as before. "You're just…" she breathes out, her voice so soft, so full of reverence. Her thumb brushes against his dimple again, stroking it. "You're so full of _light"_. 

_You're beautiful_ , she's trying to say. 

And it's true, at least half of it. He can feel the light inside his soul, can feel it shake him, freeing him of the shackles the voices had made of his thoughts. He can also feel the undercurrent of darkness, but this time, he isn't afraid - the dark will always be there, because he's human and he's alive and being alive means having to find a balance between it all. He understands this now and he won't give in this time, he won't let himself fall. 

He knows Rey knows too. He can feel the darkness in her too, balancing the light shining on her face, and he knows she _understands_ him as no one has ever understood him before. She's in his very soul, flowing along his blood - just as he's in hers now. 

"Rey," he murmurs back, resting his forehead against hers. He closes his eyes for the briefest moment, only to gather his thoughts, because he can't stand the idea of not looking at her. Her gaze is open and hopeful and it shakes him to his core. "Rey, I'm sorry. The things I've said, what I've _done_ …" 

The words die on her lips when she silences him with another kiss. It's just as gentle as the first one, laced with determination and a love too big for this world - something this planet of hatred and suffering has never seen before. This time, both of her hands wind up in his hair, stroking it with the utmost tenderness, and his arm slides down, a hand splayed at the small of her back to pull her closer. It's awkward and fumbling - they're both new at this and his injuries stiffen his movements, but he can feel her love resound into his soul and when she breathes on his mouth it feels like she's breathing his very life.

Maybe she is. 

"Not now," she whispers, planting worshipful kisses on his lips, fervently. "You have a whole lifetime for that. You're here _now_ ". 

And he understands her - the urgency, the way she dies to burrow herself into him, nestling her small body into his as if she could climb into his own heart. He can feel the same urgency in him - he can't stop looking at her, can't stop his hands from reaching for her, just to assure himself he isn't dreaming and that she's truly alive, and that he managed to get one thing right in his life. 

A wave of tenderness pours from her touch, when she pulls away enough to flash him a soft smile. She's still stroking his hair, wrapping her fingers around his strand, and he realizes he's never been held like this before - not like he means something. 

Then, the ground starts to shake. 

"We need to get out of here," she says, the tender smile fading from her face as she eyes the crumbling cavern around them. Her eyes fall back on him again, his limbs awkwardly splayed on the ground. "Can you stand?" 

He presses his lips together. "I think my leg is broken," he replies. He doesn't tell her that judging by the pain he's trying to keep at bay it feels like almost every bone in his body was broken in the fall or in the desperate climb out of that abyss, but Rey seems to sense it, because she lets out a deep breath and nervously eyes the fortress around them. He knows what she's thinking. "Rey…" 

"If you're about to say I should leave you here, then you better shut up right now," she snaps, the hard and determinated gaze he's so hopelessly in love with back on her face. He doesn't even flinch at her words - it feels like he has somehow earned them, because he can feel she's offended by the thought that she would just- "I won't leave you here, not after everything". 

Before he can even protest - not that he knows how to, not when he can sense the sheer determination coming off in waves from her soul -, she crouches by his side, swinging one of his arms around her shoulders and pulling him into her. 

"Come on," she tells him, softly, encouraging him. She's exhausted, he can tell, and yet she pours every little ounce of her strength and stubbornness into helping him up, whispering sweet encouragement as he finally stands on his legs, trembling. It hurts so much he can barely breath and he knows she must sense it, because she gasps for a moment. 

He winces at the thought of causing her even more pain. "I'm sorry". 

The smile she flashes him is soft and wonderful and utterly Rey. "Shut up," she tells him, managing to sound both annoyed and fond. 

Then, she starts walking, one step at a time, and it's almost easy to lean his weight into her and follow her, step after step, even if it feels like his body is being set on fire. 

Good thing he knows how to deal with pain, he thinks bitterly. Rey presses a kiss to his cheek when she catches the thought, as if to soothe him - and it's so new his mind can't wrap itself around it. 

"We're almost there. Come on, hold onto me". 

_Always_ , he sends back. She's so surprised by the trust and the vulnerability he manages to pour into that simple word that she doesn't reply. 

Force, how he loves her. 

"Where are we going?" 

She clears her throat. "My ship is right outside the temple". 

He's confused enough that for a moment he forgets he's in pain. "What? That X Wing?" he asks, a frown taking hold of his face. "It's too small for the both of us, we can't fit in there". 

Rey lets out a huff of breath that's both a laugh and an aggravated sigh. "We can and we will". 

"Mine is bigger," he reminds her, thinking back to the tie he left right outside the entrance, with little care for whatever happened to it, desperate to just run to her. 

This time, the sigh is more discernible. "Are we really doing this _now_?" 

It feels so easy to laugh he almost forgets he hasn't laughed in a decade, maybe even more. It's not a hollow sound - it's rich and warm and hopeful and he can't believe it's coming from him, can't believe he has it in him in the first place. But of course he does - that's what Rey always knew, what she always saw even when he was Kylo Ren and there was just pain and rage and hollowness inside his soul. 

He can't see her face but he senses her surprise hanging in the back of _his_ mind, and the awe and even the _love,_ something he never thought himself worthy of. 

" _Rey,_ " he manages to say, in the end. 

"Fine, we'll take your ship, but just because I'm tired of fighting with you," she replies. He knows she means it as a half-hearted joke, but he can also hear the truth behind her words, and a wave of remorse crashes over him. _Not now,_ he thinks. _I have a whole lifetime for that._ "You're always so stubborn". 

He snorts. "You can talk". 

They reach his tie without further discussion, and by the time they stumble inside, he feels like his whole body is falling apart. His leg is shaking so bad he wonders if he'll ever be able to put it together again, and his lungs are on fire. Every wound on his body aches and most of all he's just so _tired,_ but - it was worth it, he thinks. Falling down, falling apart like a broken Kyber crystal, climbing out of that pit by determination alone, running on his broken bones and burning muscles to her side, giving half of his life force for her - it was all worth it in the end. 

Rey gently helps him onto a seat, letting out a deep breath as she does, and then brushes a few strands of hair away from his face as she recovers, her palm pressed against his cheek. Then, she freezes and her eyes go wide. 

"Oh," she lets out. 

He frowns, confused. "What is it?" 

Her fingers linger on his face, tracing a line he knows by heart and he has spent hours tracing, too. "The scar," she murmurs, eyes darting between his gaze and the place where her fingertips brush against his skin. "I hadn't noticed before. It's… gone". 

"Oh." His fingers come to brush against hers as he slowly raises his hand, searching for the tangible proof of her existence and her rage she had left him with more than a year ago. Instead, his skin is smooth and soft, no trace of the red line that had bisected his face up until a few hours ago. "It must have healed when…. when you closed my wound. When you saved me". 

The shame she radiates makes his stomach churn - even worse, he can feel the pain rolling off of her in waves, when she remembers the way she had stabbed him with his own lightsaber, the agony of that awful moment, the stillness of it as dread seeped into her bones. 

"No," he murmurs, sweetly, his voice barely a whisper. "No, you did right. You saved me. In every way you could". 

He doesn't ask her why she did. He doesn't tell her he thinks he's undeserving of the life she has gifted him back. He can't - not with her life force still flowing through him, singing in his blood, reminding him of a belonging he has never been able to forget, despite it all. 

Their fingers meet on his face and she laces them together, holding his hand so tightly, as if she refused to let him go ever again. He doesn't plan to let her down this time. 

He'll stand by her, for as long as she'll have him. 

She smiles, softly. Her eyes are full of tears, he can see it, but she stubbornly refuses to cry, and something in his heart gives. "You saved me, too." His thumb comes to brush against her knuckles, as if to soothe her. "You could have died. You could- why did you save me?" 

He knows she already knows - but he says it anyway, because she deserves to hear it. 

"I love you," he tells her. And it's the bravest act of his life - ridding himself of all his defences and all the masks he has used to hide himself away and letting her see him as he is, broken and vulnerable and boyish and _hopeful_. But the thing is - she has already seen him anyway, even through his masks, even through the darkness, even through the pain he has put her though. She had delved deep into the damaged mess that Kylo Ren was even when she knew nothing about him and had offered her hand to what remained of Ben Solo underneath it all, believing it was worth it, believing _he_ was worth it, and her devotion has never faltered, not even in the darkest moments, and that's why he has to tell her, because after everything she deserves to know she's loved. "I love you and if I'd died just let you live, then it would have been worth it".

Their fingers are still intertwined, when she places her palm against his face, trembling from all the things she's trying to keep inside as she always does. His hand rests upon hers as her thumb brushes against the place where his scar used to be, waiting, and he can pinpoint the exact moment she breaks down - her shoulders tremble, her breath gets heavier and then, then the tears start falling down, her chest almost breaking from all the sobs. 

It's instinctive - he reaches out for her despite the pain he's in and gathers her against his chest, letting her bury her head into the crook of his neck. She climbs into his lap carefully, as if she didn't want to hurt him, but it wouldn't matter to him either way - he just wants her to know he's here, he's here, he's _here_. 

He plants a kiss to her temple, runs a hand up and down her back, traces gentle patterns on her shoulder - all of this to soothe her, to remind her she's not alone while she finally lets out everything and cries into his neck, holding onto him for dear life. All the love he feels for her swells in the space between them, blooming like a fragile flower under the light of a newborn sun, and he tries to let it flow to her, in that special doorway in their minds where they're always connected. 

_I love you_ , he tells her. _You are loved. You are wanted. You are home_. 

Rey pulls away from him only to look him in the eyes. Her own eyes are red-rimmed and full of tears, but she's so _bright_ she shines even in the awful lights of his tie, and he loves her so much his heart feels it's growing to big for his own chest. 

Her hands come to cup his face, her thumbs stroking his cheekbones as she rests her forehead against his. Her eyes are closed and she breathes deeply, as if she wanted to breathe him in, and despite the pain and the tears and the lump in his throat, it's the quietest moment of his life. 

"I love you," she murmurs, in the end. She's so close - wrapped all around him, her limbs intertwined with his and her soul brushing against his, her Force signature dancing within his very mind. It feels like she's everywhere at once and he likes it - it feels like, for the first time in his life, he's not alone. "I love you, Ben. I love you". 

Her thoughts collide with her words and she keeps saying _I love you I love you I love you_ until there's nothing but this - nothing but love, enveloping him, flowing through him, rewriting his whole existence, reminding him that he's loved. And oh, what a wondrous thing it is, to be loved - he never expected for it to feel so big, so terrifying and wonderful at the same time, just like fighting her always feels. It feels like the flame of her lightsaber burning his skin, it feels like the touch of her gentle fingertips against his, it feels like the hopeful smile she's gifted him when she sensed him on Exogol. It feels like _everything._

They both know they have to move - the planet feels unsteady, almost as if it was crumbling to dust underneath them - but they stay like that for a few seconds, Rey resting her forehead against his, as if trying to let him into her thoughts, or projecting them to him. He senses them, anyway. He sees the future she lays down for him - a planet full of green, full of water and life. A place to call home, to build together just how they want it. Someone to return to, at the end of the day. A warm embrace, the shadow of a smile, a kiss on the forehead. He can even see, even if it passes so briefly he wonders if Rey is even aware of it, the image of a small child with a mop of black hair and freckles on his nose, and those bright hazel eyes of hers. 

Force, how he wants all of it. 

"Sweetheart," he murmurs, surging up to press a chaste kiss to her lips, as if to tell her _yes, yes to everything._ "We have to leave this place". 

She nods, opening her eyes. There are no tears left and the warmth in her smile is soothing, almost healing. A last, lingering kiss is pressed to his lips, promising him a whole lifetime of this, and then she climbs off his lap with the same careful movements from before and he's surprised by the notion of someone taking care of him. 

_For the rest of our lives_ , she tells him. 

His eyes stay fixed on her as she sits in front of the controls of his ship and he's mesmerized by her - by the ease of her smile, the warmth in the back of her eyes as she starts the ship, the vibrant happiness she radiates as they fly away from this wretched planet. 

_Yes_ , he thinks, _the rest of our lives will do._

**Author's Note:**

> how did ben manage to survive and walk on his injuries? I don't know but it still makes more sense than that awful movie, so here's that! I just wanted him to survive and be happy and I don't actually care about plot.... must a story have a plot? can't it be just me describing in vivid detail every little feeling and glance between the characters?
> 
> anyway, thank you for reading it, I hope it soothes the wound left by tros. it's been a hard time for me too, so that's why I wrote this. trying to heal, you know? you can find me also on [twitter](https://twitter.com/akosmia) and [tumblr](http://kylorensx.tumblr.com/) where I've been endlessly wailing about this, you can join me into crying about ben solo ❤️ also know that i won't stop writing fics for these two, and i will soon be back with more fluff!!


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